What not to say to someone going through the menopause

From women who have been there…

 

The menopause. While some women sail through it, for others it’s a debilitating experience, not helped by eye-rolls and jokey comments about hot flushes and 'acting emotional' from unsympathetic observers.

As part of our Project Body Love initiative, in partnership with Always Discreet, we’re on a mission to normalise the conversation around 'taboo' topics - menopause included.

So, to help you dodge insensitivity and support those going through the menopause, whether it’s your other half, a family member, your best friend or a colleague, we asked women to tell us the statements you should swerve when talking to someone experiencing the symptoms (and how to offer a helping hand through the process).

“Pull yourself together”

 It’s a common dismissal that many women hear during their lives, whether in response to bad period pain, or, later in life, the anxiety, hot flushes and memory lapses that can the menopause can bring.

Telling someone to pull themselves together is extremely unhelpful; instead, educate yourself on the symptoms of the condition so you can empathise and bolster them through tough times. Be there to listen to your friend or loved one as they talk about what they’re going through, reassuring them that you're on their side. And above all, be patient; the menopause doesn’t last forever, and your support can make all the difference.

“Women have always had to deal with the menopause”

It’s brilliant that the conversation around the menopause is finally opening up, but the fact that it has been kept hush-hush in the past has led to accusations of attention-seeking or overly precious behaviour now that women are finally speaking out.

Let’s get this straight: women have always suffered from menopausal side-effects, whether that’s night sweats, vaginal dryness or bladder weakness, only previously, we've had less opportunity to openly discuss them.

Talking about your symptoms like can not only make you feel less alone, it can also help you seek solutions. Bladder leaks are one of the most common menopausal side effects due to hormonal changes that can result in the weakening of the bladder muscles. If you know someone experiencing bladder weakness, recommend they look to Always Discreet's absorbent products, which are designed to draw away moisture and neutralise odour in moments of need. Kegel exercises are also great for strengthening the pelvis and helping to eliminate bladder leaks.

“At least you don't have periods any more”

First of all, this is not necessarily true. Although strictly, the menopause is when a woman stops having periods, the lead-up can last from a few months to a few years, during which a woman may still have periods, however infrequent.

Secondly, while for many women the disappearance of periods is met with a sigh of relief, for others it can trigger a whole range of emotions, from mixed feelings over the loss of their fertility to deep sadness and regret that their reproductive years are over. Be sensitive, and lend an ear to whatever they're feeling.

“I found the menopause easy”

Just as every woman who has birthed a child will have a different story, so the menopause is as unique as the individual going through it. It’s true that for some women, the menopause is simply not a big deal. For others though, it can be unbelievably tough, so if you've been through it yourself, try and avoid drawing comparisons with your own experience.

If someone you know is struggling, don’t let them suffer in silence - their GP can offer a range of treatments, whether that’s hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to help relieve severe menopausal symptoms, oestrogen creams, lubricants or moisturisers for vaginal dryness, or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to address low mood and anxiety.

They can also speak to their GP about bladder weakness, which is extremely common, not only among those going through the menopause, but among women in general. In fact, bladder leaks affect two-thirds of all women in the UK, according to Always Discreet, with 46% of women admitting they’re too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it.

Never feel ashamed to discuss distressing symptoms with your doctor, and if the first GP you visit is unhelpful, don’t be afraid to seek a second opinion.

“Your poor husband”

 Just no.

 Project Body Love: Good Housekeeping and Always Discreet are joining forces to change the way women think, feel and speak about their bodies. Bladder weakness should not be a taboo topic - together, we commit to shifting the dial on body confidence, encouraging positive mindset and putting an end to negative self-talk and embarrassment. Source: goodhousekeeping